Even if I tried really really hard… I couldn’t. And I think about it daily as I do the school run with my friends. I just can’t. I look around the playground and want to tell my friend, ‘this is the first time I have ever been in this situation, this normal dim explanation of nucleic married mise en scene, what kind of crap excuse is this for me to love again’?
I am the watcher of a phone ring…with never lift reply, remove my eyes out to the window where clouds and sky reply constantly ignore insistent desire, well if I did I’d be a liar. Every man I look at or talk to sexually I hate, his twisted sexiness just reminds me of being raped, I don’t want to feel this way but I can’t escape. They just all sicken me. Not the intelligent, they aren’t seen as men, it’s never an us and them, I consider myself that scene, so my mind goes to a place of which can not be defaced or so it seems.
Any man who touches me I cry and makes me feel so sick inside and it’s just something I can’t hide and now don’t really care to … I’m afraid it’s true….love and sex don’t match my boots